The 10 to 10 Helpline is a free, anonymous, and confidential intimate partner abuse prevention helpline, serving Massachusetts adults and teens. Our responders are trained to treat all callers with respect, and to support their efforts to become and remain safe in their relationships.
Rather than harming your partner, call us for help. Family members, friends, and professionals who want to help someone stop harming their partner are also encouraged to contact the 10 to 10 Helpline.
Watch our introductory video.
Is the 10 to 10 Helpline for You?
- Do you want a new perspective on how to be safe in your relationship?
- Do you want to learn about the beliefs, values and behaviors of people who are always safe in their relationships?
- Are you wondering if your relationship is safe or if you have gone too far?
- Are you hurting someone you care about or love?
- Does your partner feel controlled by you?
- Is your partner afraid of you?
- Are you a teen or young adult concerned about the safety of a relationship?
- Are your kids afraid of you?
- Are you a family member or friend worried that someone is hurting their partner?
- Are you a professional concerned that someone you are working with mistreats their partner?
- If you answered yes to any of these questions, the Helpline may be able to help.
*If someone’s immediate safety is at risk, please consider calling 911 or taking other safety measures.
Is your partner afraid of you? How do you know if your relationship is healthy or if you have gone too far?
Are you a family member, friend or professional worried that someone is hurting their partner?
We can help you learn about being a safe partner:
877-898-3411 or email@example.com
About the 10 to 10 Helpline
Our mission is to prevent intimate partner violence by fostering accountability and change in people who harm or may harm their intimate partner.
We do this by providing a free, anonymous, confidential helpline for people who use or are at risk of using abuse and control in their intimate partnerships. The Helpline is also available to family members, friends and professionals who want to help someone stop using abuse.
Our Values and Vision
10 to 10 is based on the conviction that no one should ever harm an intimate partner, and that equity, respect and safety are fundamental to every relationship.
10 to 10 is a transformative justice accountability and change innovation that recognizes and supports the humanity in all people.
We are part of a broad national movement that seeks to increase non-criminal responses to intimate partner violence through the creation of community-based restorative practice.
What kind of help will you get?
Helpline Responders are trained to treat all callers with respect, and to support each caller’s efforts to become safe and remain safe in their relationships. Responders are trained to understand harmful behavior within the framework of abusive values and values of equity and respect. They look at behaviors, beliefs and values with callers so that callers gain insight, and develop new goals and strategies to support safety and accountability.
Helpline Responders are not counselors. They listen, offer new ways of thinking, and help callers develop short and long-term strategies that support safety.
Helpline Responders also provide information and referrals to services, including Intimate Partner Abuse Education Programs as well as other services.
Helpline Responders are available to talk or email from 10AM to 10PM, 365 days a year. Messages left after hours will be responded to the following day.
All calls are free, anonymous, and confidential.
Call (877) 898-3411
10:00 AM to 10:00 PM
365 days a year.
Free. Confidential. Anonymous.
Language translation available.
(711 Relay Friendly)
Who is guiding the 10 to 10 Helpline?
The 10 to 10 Helpline is guided by an active advisory board of 12 seasoned professionals and grassroots activists dedicated to building a non-criminal response to intimate partner violence as part of a national movement towards transformative justice. Project funded by the Massachusetts Department of Housing and Community Development Community Development Block Grant program and by the Massachusetts Department of Public Health.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the 10 to 10 Helpline
A confidential, anonymous helpline for people who want to stop using abuse and control in their intimate relationships. The Helpline is also for family, friends and professionals who want to help them stop. People who are unsure about their behavior can also call the Helpline. The Helpline operates from 10am to 10pm 365 days a year. We are a helpline not a hotline: we are not considered an emergency response service.
What kind of help do callers get?
Callers who are concerned about their own behavior will be treated with respect and dignity. They will be helped to gain insight into their actions and to hold themselves accountable, using the framework of abusive values and values of equity and respect. They will get help developing goals and actions steps that center safety and accountability, and will be given referrals to services that can support long-term change. A family member or friend will get help thinking through how they can support safety and change in someone they care about, and can also learn about the values framework for understanding abuse. A professional will get an understanding of how intimate partner violence (IPV) overlaps with, but is distinct from, other issues i.e., substance abuse and mental health, as well as an overview of how to approach treatment with an added lens. Professionals may also be connected with a consultant in their field who has expertise in IPV.
Who answers the phone?
The Helpline is staffed by skilled and experienced social service professionals. Every staff member undergoes comprehensive training, with a minimum of 40 hours of instruction before answering a call. Staff remain current and informed through weekly group training and supervision.
What kind of training do staff get?
Before staff answer their first call, they are trained in IPV, sexual violence within the context of IPV, and the impact of IPV on survivors. They are trained to examine the culture of abusive values and how our social location, including race, ethnicity, age, gender, sexual orientation and other identities, impacts our experience and the experience of those who call. They are trained in understanding perpetration and perpetration strategies, the change process in intimate partner violence for people who use abuse and for survivors, abusive values and values of equity and respect, how to have transformative and respectful dialogues, and special considerations for teens and young adults. And they are trained in how to understand context when examining issues of predominant aggression. Additionally, staff receive training on an on-going basis from professionals who have extensive experience working with both survivors and people who use abuse in their relationships, and from professionals with deeper content expertise in the LGBTQIA community, in the disability community and with elders.
Do you help teens?
Yes. The Helpline is available to teens and young adults and staff are trained in the unique developmental aspects and obstacles faced by young people.
What do you mean by confidential and anonymous?
The Helpline is committed to creating a confidential, anonymous place where people who want to learn to be safe can speak honestly. We maintain confidentiality as long as callers keep their anonymity. We do not need a name or any identifying information to provide guidance and resources. If a caller does give identifying information and a crime is disclosed, the Helpline will follow legal duty to report requirements.
Are you colluding with the abuse by helping the person who abuses?
Staff are trained to never collude with, minimize, blame-shift or ignore abuse. They focus on a caller’s choice to control and abuse, and the caller’s underlying values which give them permission to hurt others. They help callers hold themselves accountable to values and choices that are safe and respectful.
Will this give false hope to survivors?
The Helpline will never encourage a survivor to stay in a relationship in hopes that their partner will change. We share detailed information about the change process so that survivors can come to their own informed decisions about the many trade-offs they are weighing. When an abusive person chooses to change, the change process is slow, incremental and never a guarantee of safety. Even when change does happen, it may only make a relationship safe enough so that a survivor can leave without being harmed, or can remain living in the same community as their ex-partner free from fear.
Can survivors call?
Yes. Responders can share the abusive values framework with survivors which can add to a survivor’s understanding of their experience and can reinforce the fact that abuse is always the responsibility of the harm doer and never the fault or responsibility of the victim or survivor. Responders can also connect survivors to local domestic violence agencies. The Helpline does not believe that it is a survivor’s job or role to help their partner change.
Can people who abuse really change?
Yes, but only if they themselves want to and only if they are willing to examine and change the underlying values and beliefs that support abusive behavior. Change is hard and requires long-term, daily, often life-long effort and commitment. People working on change are encouraged to call the Helpline as often as needed and are encouraged to attend Intimate Partner Abuse Education Programs.
Do you provide services for non-English speaking callers or for Deaf and Hard-of-hearing callers?
Language translation services are available in over a dozen languages. In the future, we hope to have bi-lingual responders. People who are Deaf or hard of hearing can connect to the helpline through the 711 Relay system.
The 10 to 10 Helpline in the Media
10 to 10 Helpline team member Monica Moran spoke with 93.9 FM, Northampton, Massachusetts Radio (The River) host Monte Belmonte about our new resources for would-be abusers, including why these resources are so important for teens. Click the images below to listen to the podcast.
Join our Email List
We send occasional news and updates about the 10 to 10 Helpline, resources and partnerships. Emails are intended for professionals, providers and community members who are interested in this pilot project. We do not share your information with anyone.
Read Our Latest Blog Posts
Question: I have been in recovery for twenty years and even though I have been sober all this time, I never got it together with my ex. I was still a scary abusive jerk. I am divorced now, but I have four children, some are teenagers and some are...
Question: My partner is always on the phone. She’s always talking, texting, on IG, Tik Tok, whatever. I started to wonder if there was someone else, so I went through her phone when she left it out where I can see it. There was nothing there. Now...
Question: My brother says, “He has the right,” all the time when I try to talk to him about how he treats his girlfriend. He says he “has the right” to decide what they spend money on, that he gets to decide that she should always take care of the...
Question: What do we do when we start having thoughts that we recognize as the thoughts that come right before we do something to control or harm our partner? For example, “they are such an idiot – they know that makes me furious – they know where...